I have been so busy. The kind of busy that’s good so you don’t get bored, but now I’m tired. I know all of my readers are desperately waiting to find out what’s been happening on this side of the equation so I’ve decided to sit down and write.
It’s been an eye-opener to me to realize that some of the guys and celebrities I had the hots for as a teenager were also men my very own Jay lusted over. Frankly, it makes me laugh until I realize its’ kind of strange. I like that we can openly talk about it but it’s just not a normal conversation for two married people with children in a small conservative town to be having. There were all the typical hot guys in high school that all the girls wanted, the lead singer from Faith No More, Billie Joe from Green Day, Keanu Reeves, Nelson, Mark Wahlberg, just to name a few that come to mind. It was 1994 for god’s sake. Jay had one fine roommate his freshman year of college. I can’t imagine how he was able to live with that guy without having a hard-on 24/7. My friends were dying to meet him and they’d practically melt when he and I would meet in the dorm or on the sidewalk and talk for a few minutes. Poor Jay. The fantasies that must have pierced his dreams in that tiny dorm room. The hot roommate was not modest by any means. He’d even walk into the room in his towel fresh from the shower when he knew I was there visiting Jay. I guess I was too stupid to notice that Jay was probably sweating and doing his best not to get aroused.
I’m trying to decide if I like being able to notice now when he’s looking at guys. I’m not sure yet. I don’t think it really bothers me but really, sometimes it’s so damned obvious I don’t know how I didn’t notice before. Maybe (and I’ll never really know) I’ve just been in denial all these years and haven’t wanted to notice it. Even Jay has said he was afraid I had noticed him looking at guys in the past. What is my problem? I never suspected that my best friend in high school, Andei, was a lesbian, yet the more I describe details of our relationship to Jay the more I am convinced that she is.
Two months ago, I had to have a minor female surgical procedure one morning. The lab guy (sorry I don’t know the technical name for his position and I’m not really that sure what he did) was maybe 27-30 years old and pretty cute. I was a little edgy seeing as I was getting ready to be put to sleep and torn apart so I wasn’t really thrilled to see my husband ogling at this guy while I’m lying in a hospital bed. In a different setting, I wouldn’t have minded. Like at a restaurant or at the mall or a ball game. But come on! I’m getting ready to have surgery. Well, when I noticed Jay looking this guy over, I said something to him after the guy walked off. Of course the guy kept hanging around because he was working with my blood and all but it was nearly impossible to distract Jay to keep him from looking at this guy.
I couldn’t help but notice how the fine doctor smelled as he listened to my bare chest with his stethoscope. I only hoped he wouldn’t notice that my cock was throbbing but of course, I was wearing only a hospital gown so it was obvious. He didn’t seem to mind much to my surprise. He looked at me as he untied the drawstring around the waist of his scrubs. They fell to the floor exposing his amazing dick as he told me the exam was not over. I bent over the exam table as the good doctor fucked my ass like I’d never been fucked before. His balls slamming against me as he reached around and………
What the fuck? Was he thinking something like this? What a fantasy. Like I said, normally I don’t mind really. I can’t explain it. I’ve even pointed out our neighbor 4 houses down lifting weights shirtless in his garage. I’ve let him slowly roam by Abercrombie & Fitch to see those nearly pornographic pictures of twinks in the windows. Can you explain to me why I enjoy seeing my husband get turned on by men? I most certainly would not approve of it if it were women. Is it because I feel special in some way that I’m the only woman alive that can get his attention (if men’s gymnastics isn’t on TV at the time)?
2 Comments
June 13, 2008 at 3:26 pm
this is comment and a very good one!
June 14, 2008 at 2:23 pm
WOW! That one line you used ‘Can you explain to me why I enjoy seeing my husband get turned on by men?’ I had a friend once back in Ireland called Ann who got so turned on when she seen me chatting or kissing with other gay guys in clubs etc. She couldn’t really explain it either but she thought it just looked sexy. I asked her many times why. All she could say was ‘well lots of men get turned on by seeing two ladies kiss, so why cant us gals get turned on by seeing two guys kiss?’ Fair comment! If its good for one its good for the other. Sometimes we have no control over those feelings that get us aroused over seeing certain things or certain people. But its a step in the right direction to admit to yourself that you do have those feelings. It may help understanding things between you and Jay a little more easier at some point in your lives. I hope all went ok with the surgery by the way and that it was nothing too serious. Your very brave in many ways. I would be so afraid to be put to sleep. Its one of my greatest fears to be operated on.