This post is simply me whining. I by no means am attempting to belittle or minimize those who deal with actual medical issues on a daily ongoing basis. I’m thankful that this will be over for me in a few weeks.
So, today I wake up and the first thing I always do is look at the clock. I am nearly blind without glasses or contacts and I say that seriously, not just to be humorous. When I found my glasses and looked at the clock it was exactly 10 a.m. Oh my god, I slept until 10 a.m. With the kids gone there is no one to beg me for breakfast so I guess I was just oblivious to the day going on without me.
10:05 a.m. I’m still rubbing my eyes trying to figure out if I’m just dreaming that I slept until 10 a.m.
10:10 a.m. After using the bathroom I make some coffee. My dear husband has been making it for me but I guess today he was running late. That’s OK I guess since it would have just been sitting around in the pot for 3 hours. Then I call the kids who are staying with my parents 30 miles away. No answer. I call my mother’s cell phone. Her chipper voice asks me how I’m feeling today and I don’t really want to tell her that I am sick of being stuck at home and feeling like shit.
“Hi! How are you feeling today?” I can tell she’s in the car and I can hear my daughter in the background. The little girl talks almost constantly no matter what is going on around her.
“Alright.” I say. “Where are you?”
“At the bank getting ready to go in. We’ve been running errands this morning. Do you want me to come and get you today?”
God no. That’s what I’m thinking. My mom had this idea a few days ago that I should come down and stay with them so I wouldn’t be so lonely. Why on earth would I want to do that. She claimed I’d be able to rest in my brother’s room. On a side note, I don’t know why she calls it my brother’s room. My parents sold our childhood home four years ago. I’d been out of the house and married for 8 years. My brother had been out of the house and on his own for over a year living in Kansas when they bought the new house. Nothing in the room actually belongs to him. It’s got my old bedroom furniture in it. And it’s decorated like a girl’s room. But God knows I do not ever want to live there so little bro can have it. He’s married now anyway.
“No. I’ve decided to stay here. I feel better after seeing the kids last night.” I tell her. I swear I would be miserable down at their house and my mom would talk ALL day. I really miss the kids. Everyone is acting like I can’t take care of them. I know they are all just looking out for me and trying to keep me from having to do anything unnecessary.
After I hang up with her, the coffee is ready. I sit here for a bit and get my computer and manage to mess around on it for two hours. It’s amazing how quickly time can fly when you are alone with a computer. I answered lots of emails and did some on-line shopping.
Let me sum this up. At 12:30 p.m. I finally took a shower. I had lunch at about 1:30 p.m. Looking back over the whole day I realize that I managed to just blow it. Not that I had any big plans. No one to feed or dress (except myself), no one to play with, no one to talk to. I took a nap. I spent most of my day right here on the laptop. I have the whole world at my fingertips anyway.
At 7 p.m. I realized I had not brushed my teeth today. Thank God I didn’t interact with anyone. I brush my teeth. I have been moping all day so I decide to clean the master bathroom a bit. Then I work in the kitchen. The dishwasher is clean but I can’t unload it so I just rinse the dishes in the sink and spray down the counters with Method and wipe them down. I am literally worn out. I’m panting, I’m sweating, I’m dizzy. What the hell? I did like 20 minutes worth of work. I guess I really am worthless.
I am depressed. I can’t get my clothes on. I tried to get one of my favorite pair of jeans on last night. My waist was about two inches too big. I hope I’m swollen and still puffy from the air they pumped into my belly to do the procedure. But honestly, our church and friends have been so wonderful about making sure we’ve been adequately fed for a week now that I will not be surprised if I’ve gained 10 pounds. We’ve got meals coming through the end of the week. I mean full meals with desserts. We are going to have to go on a diet to recover from my recovery.
Not getting to take care of my kids or spend as much time with them lately has made me realize how much I enjoy taking care of my kids. No it’s not always fun. My daughter throws a tantrum everyday. My son back talks me. My daughter doesn’t pick up her toys. My son argues with us a lot. My daughter is dramatic about everything. My son is difficult to please and picky. But seeing me ill has brought out their tender sides. My daughter cried when she saw me after surgery. My son is helping me without complaining. They really are good kids.
So I’m fat, bloated, tired, bored, achy, and lonley. You know how you feel when you’ve had the flu for a few days and don’t get up to shower or dress well or put on make up or do your hair. It brings you down. So tomorrow I’ve decided to go down to the church where I work a few hours a week and do some secretarial duties. If I can find something to wear. Can I just put a nightgown with a belt and some cute sandals and earrings?
2 Comments
July 31, 2008 at 7:42 am
Your not on your own experiencing all those feelings after your surgery. Last year I had a mini stroke and when I came home for a few weeks I was feeling like just like you are now. It was ok at first getting some uninterrupted rest but I was soon bored, bored, bored! Your mind may be bored but you know you still have to give your body some time to heal. Just take this opportunity to make the most of it. I know what you mean about being on your computer also. Its a good thing for helping pass the time. Sometimes I have been on it for hours lol Anyways I hope you feel better soon
August 3, 2008 at 6:13 am
You’ve turned your experience into a prose essay on the healing process. Excellent.