Part 1: I put my stamp of approval on this adventure my husband is going on. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. And it isn’t. If I were to say I’m not jealous I’d be lying terribly. I am. I don’t want to be. But imagine this: your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or significant other is sitting on the same sofa as you. You are madly in love. But you know what he/she is doing? Looking for a date. Talking to singles who are also looking for dates. I can’t do much of anything to pull Jay away from his computer when he is talking to some guy. And the worst part is, no matter how cute or sexy I try to look, it’s just not very effective when the man is GAY! He’s had me before – he wants something new on the menu.
Part 2: Jay’s dad came over yesterday to see the kids. I invited him. The guy is a real jerk. I’ve been nagging Jay to email his dad to invite him to see the kids for weeks. But we get busy, and Jay doesn’t want to be here when his dad comes by, or honestly we just really don’t want to see him. (Jay’s and his dad had a falling out that actually, was long over-due. He’s been a real jerk for most of Jay’s life.) But I think the kids need to see him. They are too young to understand what is going on and he is their grandfather. Here’s the problem: I care too much about what he thinks of me. He told Jay months ago that he did not want a relationship with me because he doesn’t like the way I treat Jay. (He totally pulled this out of his ass. He and his wife can be quite malicious if they find the need. They’ve always made up stuff to support their agenda.) This is a total load of shit. First of all, he doesn’t know us well enough to know how our relationship works, and second of all, I’m still here after the dream life was ripped from my little paws months ago. He has no right to say that. He’s never seen us argue. He honestly has no basis for his statement. And, if he didn’t like me why has he never said anything about how awful I am before now? So I’m irritated that he came over. He ignores me. I ignore him. If he doesn’t want a relationship with me than I’m sure that includes conversation. But as he leaves, he says to my son “Tell your daddy hi and I love him.” WTF????? What does this mean? He screwed up and now his one and only biological son never wants to speak to him again. He and his wife blame all of this on me. They can’t believe that Jay has enough balls to stand up for himself and quit taking their shit. Why? Because Jay’s dad has done everything his wife has ever ordered him to do since the day he married her. That includes dissolving his own relationship with his father and the rest of the family and putting her kids on a pedestal that Jay was only allowed to sit under.
Why he was here, I stayed away. I listened to the conversation he had with the children. I hear him say things like “Grammy says to tell you she loves you and she really really misses you.” I wanted to say “Then where is she?” You see, she didn’t come to our house to see the kids before all of this happened. She never hugged or loved on my children at family functions. She was always quick to criticize in her not-so-obvious way. Guess what my daughter said? “Who’s Grammy?” I nearly died! Way to go little girl! Exactly my sentiments. Where has she been? She has her own biological grandchildren and she doesn’t care about mine.
So what do I do? We have to live in this town – remember it’s small – where we are sure to run into them. We attend the same church as Jay’s step-sister and her children. Our own nieces look terrified if we come anywhere near them. I have no doubt my step-mother-in-law has filled their heads with lies about us. She told Jay some of the most horrible things about his own mother when he was just 8 years old and continued dong it throughout his childhood. I guess we have to figure out how to maintain a relationship with Jay’s dad enough for the children to be able to see him.
4 Comments
August 13, 2008 at 9:01 am
comment in 2 parts
part1: you are the coolest, most fag hag i’ve ever seen. if Ace tells me he’s feeling straight and he wants to date some woman, i may sit by his side on the sofa but i’m sure he wont be breathing anymore!
part2: J’s dad is a real jerkass but he loves his son and he is too stupid not showing it. And he has no right to treat you like that, he may change his attitude when he finds out about the relationship you and J has.
YOU ROCK!
August 13, 2008 at 9:29 am
Part 1: My wife went thru the same thing you are going thru now. We were married for 30+ years and raised 2 wonderful children. I love her dearly, but I was a mess. I had denied myself for my whole life and I was miserable. When she told her best friend the friend called me and asked if I couldn’t just hold out and keep things like they were. I told her the truth……I had been miserable for years but put a brave face on it for as long as I could. There were finally too many leaks in the damn and the dam thing was busting. We talk on the phone often, but the decision for me to move on was best for both of us.
Part 2: Jay’s dad is a jerk…….if you’re children brought home friends that acted like this you’d soon put an end to it. You’re children don’t need to “know” their grandfather if this is the way he behaves. Don’t have any quilt feelings about it. He needs to make amends, until he does, and is sincere about it I wouldn’t have anything to do with him.
August 17, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Fascinating background information here. Jay’s derivation comes easily explained, if not easily lived with.
Extremely anonymous bio-mom.
Step-mom that emasculates dad.
Only son and child of the original two, who cruelly separated at too young an age.
Step-mom is a repulsive “thing,” a cut-throat bitch of demands and expectations. She’s a one-person hurting machine.
While he grows, he almost exclusively witnesses the negative side of women in life. He figures them out by the only examples given to him and rejects them. There’s no mystery here; women are only pain and suffering.
The only major male figure, the dad, remains aloof and two-steps removed by step mom’s controls, but at least he kinda’ sorta’ tries.
Women he’s figured out; men stand at least a chance.
August 18, 2008 at 7:31 am
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