Well, where has time gone? I really can’t fucking say. My life today is much different than it used to be. I’m happy. Very happy.
I don’t know if anyone is going to read this. But, when I was blogging more regularly it really helped me sort things out. There are always things to sort out in life. I know some people are in the spot I was in 7-8 years ago. However, there seems to be much more support for the gay community now than there was just that short time ago.
I have so much going on in my life right now. I don’t plan to post on a regular, weekly basis. But, I do feel that I still have people to help.
I really have no idea where to begin. I used to post so regularly. I had lots of readers at one time. I made some real friends here. I can name five people off the top of my head whom I keep in contact with who actually know my real identity. They have been very helpful. And what I hope most, is that making friends with them will be an inspiration to those of you who are reading because you feel like I once felt….nearly five years ago – like you’re alone and you want to die.
So much has changed and if I tried to catch you all up at once, this would be the novel I’m trying to write. So, I’ll just start small. I haven’t gone back and read all of my previous posts, just the last few. I will have to update “The Players” over on the right hand side of this blog.
I want to say to those of you who have found this blog recently, and who’ve read every post and commented or sent me a message because you recently found out your husband is gay – there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise. I swear to you, it will get better. It will be, quite possibly, the hardest fucking thing you’ve ever done. But, it will get better. Do not let anyone influence the decisions you and your husband will make regarding your family and marriage. That will be very hard. But I think it’s very important.
Don’t read this blog if you’re here to judge me. I don’t need that. I’m hard on myself already, and hell, this is MY blog. What I write is 100% true. You can’t make this shit up. I’ve always written from the heart and I’ve always been honest. I’m opinionated, liberal, and open minded. But I do have feelings. And, I haven’t completely healed.
Come back soon. I will…….
I haven’t posted in a long time, and I rarely check in here. But lately, I’ve had a lot on my mind so I’ve been lurking on WordPress and visiting some of my old blogroll. I check my stats and my views have been up lately. I have no idea why…..is it National Coming out to Your Wife Month or something? Anyway, I’m working on a couple of posts. But I’d like those of you who are reading to tell me why you’ve been visiting lately. Thanks.
I’ve thought about it for a while. A year at least. I want to write a book. Our story is one that needs to be told. I don’t care about money. I care about helping people who have been through this same thing.
I’ve gotten so much help from Pam who has been through the same thing as well. She is working on a book as well.
So, where do I begin? Lots of the posts on here will make up this book. There is so much more to be told as well. I think I just needed to wait until Jay was ready to be more public with his life. And now I’m ready too.
I’m no writer. Any advice?
Hi. Bet you guys thought I’d never be back.
You were wrong.
Anginae lives. I’m writing a book. More to come.
I bet not many divorcing couples stand in the kitchen of the home they share and hug each other on the day that they finally file their divorce with the county court clerk. But that’s what Jay and I did. Two days ago I filed my divorce petition. In 90 days, this nearly 15 year marriage will be over.
My soon-to-be ex-husband and I are on very good terms which you know if you have read any portion of this blog. I’ve done a lot of thinking and soul-searching over this past year more than ever. I’m ending this marriage, not Jay. I don’t think he would ever file for divorce if I did not do it myself. But, I have come to the conclusion that divorcing him is the best thing for me and for Jay, and for the kids in the long run.
While 2009 was not the best year of my life (I did some things I am NOT proud of) the events that shaped the year helped me realize that I need out of this marriage. And for the people and choices I made that brought me to that conclusion I am grateful. But I’m ready to move on. Starting a new life seems very promising and I’m excited about that. Happy New Year everyone.
I have chosen to make light of my situation. I mean, media treats situations like mine as comedy. Examples: The Birdcage, Will and Grace, Modern Family. There are more. You laugh when you watch these. I laugh when I watch these. So why cry at my own life?
I’m not crying anymore. I’m done. It’s life. It’s fun. It’s real. No one is dressed like June Cleaver and standing in the kitchen all day trying not to make the sponge cake fall while talking to the ladies on the phone too loudly about the fall bazzar.
Recently I’ve outed Jay to several of my friends and family. Their reaction always contains something like, “I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this.” Well yeah – it’s been hard at times. But in reality I have a good life. I married a man when I was still a child (19) who made the ultimate sacrifice – his own happiness- to provide for me and care for me. To give me children when he would have been OK without having children. To build what appeared to be a perfect life with me. For all of this I am truly grateful.
My life is good. My kids have a good father. I have a great relationship with Jay and don’t see that ever changing. I have a man who loves me and desires me who wants to be a part of my “modern family” and a step-father to my children. He wants to keep Jay in our lives and he’s very accepting of the situation. I love his children and look forward to getting to be a part of their lives.
So although I’m anxious about the future (I don’t like the unknown) I am confident that this new family that’s forming will be a happy one.