Justify Me

Even though I have always been happy with our sex life and I’ve felt satisfied and fulfilled, finding out that Jay is gay has made me wonder if sex with a straight man would be any different.

As you’ve read here, Jay is very good at making love to me.  It’s not at all like some of you might imagine.  A gay man trying to figure out a woman’s body.  Having to imagine some great piece of dick to be able to tolerate the situation.  I can tell, when we are intimate, that Jay is there with me.  He’s attentive and caring.  He is interested in what I want and need.  He enjoys being with me.

That said, I don’t feel like I’ve been missing out because I’m sleeping with a gay man.  But, if I have to be honest, I will say that I wonder if sleeping with a straight man would be any different.  Sex is good – very good.  But can it get any better?  And do I really care if it can?

I can understand Jay’s need to be with a man.  A man who wants men, desires men, loves men.  He needs to know that a man can love him, make love to him, fuck him, and think he is attractive.  This makes sense.  So why wouldn’t it make sense for me as well?

I’m getting all of those things from Jay.  But does it mean as much?  This is a question I am trying to answer for myself.  I’ve been thinking about it for quite some time now.  I married young.  I never had another man tell me he wanted me or desired me.  I’ve never been with another man other than Jay.  How do you think this makes me feel?  As a woman, it makes me feel kind of like shit.

Jay says I just never noticed other men because I was married and I wasn’t looking.

I think it’s time for me to feel justified.

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13 Comments

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13 responses to “Justify Me

  1. I’m glad you are back and thanks for stopping by my blog to let me know. I hope all is well with you. Keep me posted, here or privately. Take care, J

  2. Nate

    At last you posted something and it’s a good one.
    I don’t know what to say but you can try and see how it is like to be with a straight guy, just make sure he isn’t bi or gay 😛

  3. Yes it may be hard for me to tell. I never knew for 13 years.

  4. Eric

    I’m biased, so take it with a grain of salt and a MAJOR “stereotyping” alert, but…

    I don’t think there’s any “positive” difference to be had.

    You already have a man whom you say is “with” you, loves you, and makes you feel 100%.

    Any second thoughts you’re having are only because you wonder “what if”… but I think that if anything, (and I’m not trying to be overly stereotypical here, just saying…) you will find that other guys are not as sensitive (gay men are more femme / sensitive in general) and not nearly as loving & caring towards you specifically as your husband is.

    So… experiment if you and Jay are good with that, but expect to probably be disappointed, unless you like the cold/casual wham-bam-thank-you-man approach, or the hard, fast jack-hammer that most straight men (read that “doo-dahs”) think is what women want…

    Question: Do you really care if Jay happens to think guys are hot, if it doesn’t change how he acts with & towards you?

    “gay” is a label. But he’s had the tendencies and thoughts right along. He’s still the same guy… don’t get caught up in labeling it. Just my 2 cents.

  5. Eric

    Not trying to be overly stereotypical here, and of course I’m obviously biased, BUT…

    You have a man whom you say is “with” you, loves you, and fully satisfies you. Go ahead and experiment with others if that’s what you and Jay want to do, but I suspect in the end you’ll be disappointed.

    Gay men, in general, are more sensitive. Straight men, in general, are more the fast jackhammer types… wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.

    I suspect Jay satisfies you and is 100% for you. There’s love, respect, he knows and understands you and your body, and he’s ‘with’ you, etc. and so forth. What more could you want?

    At the risk of repeating myself, gay men are more sensitive… more feminine aura to them. Most straight guys aren’t going to do it for you I bet. Gays are generally more tolerant of other people’s differences, more inclusive.

    And… you’ve been fully satisfied for 13 years when you didn’t know any better. What’s changed? A label? So he’s “gay”. He thinks guys are hot. So long as he thinks YOU are hot, what’s the problem? 🙂

    It’s funny, but think about it a moment… straight guys think other girls are hot, but they don’t go running out having sex with every one of them. (well, OK, some do… *grin* but if Jay were straight, he’d still be with ONLY you… so just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he automatically has to run out and bang every good looking guy…)

    So Michael Phelps tweaks him instead of Pam Anderson. OK. But he’s still with YOU either way. Why is it better if it were Pam instead of Michael? he’s still with YOU! 🙂

    Ok, I’m rambling on now. (browser hosed up my first attempt which was eloquent… retyping the 2nd time never comes out as good!!).

    I think you’ve got 100% and anything else will be a disappointment. And don’t worry about labels – he’s still the same guy, regardless of what you call him, and regardless of whether you knew or not. Just my 2 cents.

  6. Eric

    I don’t mean to be overly stereotypical (and I’m obviously biased) but I think you’d just be disappointed.

    You said Jay loves you, is “with” you, and satisfies you. Gay men, in general, tend to be more sensitive and more femme, which feeds into more of a “connection”, whereas most straight guys are more of the wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am types. (unless you like a hard and fast jackhammer, that’s over in 90 seconds). Now, I don’t want to get flamed by ever straight guy out there *grin* — I’m talking generalities. Sure there are plenty of sensitive straight guys. But I don’t see where it could be any better. I think you’d just be disappointed.

    And don’t get caught up in labels… he’s still the same guy he has been for the past 13 years. Just because he says he’s “gay” doesn’t mean HE has changed inside. Still Jay.

    And, so long as you are together and monogamous, does it matter if he gets a woody over Michael Phelps instead of Pam Anderson? He isn’t going to have EITHER ONE anyway… And I mean that to extend to random local guys/gals… doesn’t matter if the dude in the mall has a nice a** because he’s with you. Why is it better for a straight guy to gawk at the blonde Starbucks waitress’ huge rack than Jay to get a little adrenaline rush from the ticket taker dude at the theater? In the end, he’s with you and if he makes your heart flutter and the sex is great… then what’s in a label???

    Anyway… i think you’d be disappointed with anyone else. Just my 2 cents. 🙂

  7. dorellostreet

    Hi Luv, been away for a while due to a family bereavement. I hope you are doing ok 🙂

  8. Anginae,

    Eric may have something there. . .

    . . . although, I have the same question as you. My husband is the only person who I have ever been with.

    More than anything I wish that he “wanted” me. That part is missing.

    Drives me crazy.

  9. Nobody

    i wish the same as heidi. i wish i knew that he had loved and wanted me as a man…is that too much to ask…

    doesn’t drive me crazy…just a constant dull ache in my heart…anyone has a solution to that…

  10. Eric

    sorry for the multiple postings… browser kept error-ing out and when I went back to the site, there was no post… didn’t mean to have the same general thing show up 3x 🙂 (for the 3rd one, i switched browsers and then it worked – didn’t expect them ALL to appear!)

  11. Sam

    I was happily married to Ruth for 36 years. She seemed satisfied, even thought I’m pretty sure she knew long before I did that I’m gay. Now, more than three years after her death, I’m intimate with men and loving that as much as I did being with her. She had been married before and had other lovers, but she was my first and only lover until after her death. Having watched many episodes of Real Sex recently, I’ve learned that there is a great deal more variety in types of relationships than I ever imagined. Trust me, you aren’t alone.

  12. Eric

    miss you… 🙂

  13. V

    Jay is right… you weren’t looking so your eyes were closed to other men and their attraction. All it takes sometimes is a moment of clarity to realize that people are looking. And, sometimes, it takes a little more to bring you to that realization.

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