Ex-Files

I bet not many divorcing couples stand in the kitchen of the home they share and hug each other on the day that they finally file their divorce with the county court clerk. But that’s what Jay and I did. Two days ago I filed my divorce petition. In 90 days, this nearly 15 year marriage will be over.

My soon-to-be ex-husband and I are on very good terms which you know if you have read any portion of this blog. I’ve done a lot of thinking and soul-searching over this past year more than ever. I’m ending this marriage, not Jay. I don’t think he would ever file for divorce if I did not do it myself. But, I have come to the conclusion that divorcing him is the best thing for me and for Jay, and for the kids in the long run.

While 2009 was not the best year of my life (I did some things I am NOT proud of) the events that shaped the year helped me realize that I need out of this marriage. And for the people and choices I made that brought me to that conclusion I am grateful. But I’m ready to move on. Starting a new life seems very promising and I’m excited about that. Happy New Year everyone.

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “Ex-Files

  1. Congratulations! I hope 2010 brings you strength and happiness.

    Being friends through a divorce is a blessing. Good luck in all that follows.

  2. mark

    A…………here’s wishing you (and Jay) a future that is the very best for both of you.

  3. How I wish I could have shared your tender parting; my ex-wife attended a family funeral recently and made every attempt to put the entire reception hall between the two of us.

    I can’t really blame her, but I do hope she stops being so hurt/angry/whatever it is one of these days. In the meantime, I take comfort in my children’s more understanding attitude.

    All the best to both of you.
    T@C

  4. Monica

    Wow. I am so interested in this blog. I just began reading and frankly I don’t have time! I have a nursing exam to study for…. 🙂

    I don’t know where to start with my situation but I’d like to know what all these great people here think about it. Especially you Anginae… my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years…. this week.

    We are ending our relationship and in the middle is our 3 y/o daughter.

    Sex has ALWAYS been a problem. I love it he rarely wants to do it. Ever. I used to beg for it always. I thought once a week was scarce. Right now it’s been 5 months. 5 months and forever I guess.

    I begged him to fuck me the night I got pregnant. And he has resented me ever since. He fell in love with our daughter when she was born and stuck with me because he felt he had to.

    I’ve seen some gay porn in our internet history over the past year. And I’ve seen it before a few years ago but kind of denied that I saw it. I take this very personally because I am NOT sexually fullfilled. I am jealous that you and some of your commentors have at least had sex with their gay sig. other.

    He knows I have read his email in the past. Why hasn’t he changed his password. Did he want me to find these emails…

    Why after 2 weeks of deciding we will seperate to ‘figure things out’ did he respond to 3 craigslist personals. M4M. With pictures and suggestions of activities he’s never even considered to do with me.

    I was his first. His only. He was my 8th? I think.
    I guess that’s an issue there. To him anyway.

    I am SUCH a sexual person and he’s denied me almost our entire relationship yet he’s interested in looking at others via porn and emails others to potentially setting up meetings?

    What does this mean. I am so lost. Should I care after the decision to seperate has been made? Is it my business. But sex was/is one of our biggest issues and THIS has affected it no doubt. In his emails he states he is striaght but has always been bi-curious. What does this all mean. I am so sad. For him. For me. For our family.

    I know this comment doesn’t go along with this entry I’m sorry.

  5. TJ

    I am so pleased to find someone else out there who has remained good friends with their gay ex husband. We are 3 months post disclosure and we signed our divorce papers last week. We both cried and held each other. I understand the love you feel for each other and I am happy to find someone else who has not written off their marriage as a fraudelant lie. I made a conscious decision to treasure the life we had and I am happier with him him my life as my friend than not having him in my life at all. He came out to me out of choice, not because I found out and for this I am grateful. He has given me my freedom to move on with my life, to find someone to love me as I should be loved. Divorce was my choice not his, and as hard as it is to walk away from a loving, stable marriage I felt it would be harder to stay.

  6. My ex-husband and I had a lovely little lunch in an outdoor bistro downtown after we filed. We were married for 13 years, no children, and he too turned out to be gay. I am struggling, but I am not bitter. I regret that we had no children together more than anything. In addition to being gay and rejecting me, he was also sterile. Double whammy. I write about this kind of thing too and how I am redefining my sexuality after my husband came to terms with his. There are more of us “left behind” in the coming out than you would think. Thank you for sharing.

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